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Seriously, what the fuck does happiness mean?

I am an almost 26 years old woman. In a month’s time I will be 26 and still am not sure what the fuck happiness is.

My mother says happiness is having her kids around her, with her. And its usually nice to be near my mother or to speak to her frequently on the phone.

Whenever I am having a bad day, I call her and somehow even if we do not talk about my problems, she will take the weight off.

I also like talking to my sister. She has this burst of energy and arrogance around her that just makes my day. I have one sister and she is my heart.

My brother brings light to my soul and makes me laugh more than many people.

According to recent studies, the dopamine released when women simply talk to each other is equivalent to the combined rush of cocaine and hurricane. So, ‘tuendelee na muchene’. That’s why we outlive men. Lets just be honest, unless a husband kills his wife, there is no fucking way a man can outlive a woman. Its not even science. Its just the source of life. Get it?

Is happiness sex?

The population is evidence enough that people like sex. But does sex bring happiness?

I like sex. If I could have hit every twice a week especially during ovulation, before, during and after my period, I would have some sort of happiness. You know, like being rejuvenated.

Though sex can remove the happiness out of your life. For example, when he finishes the race before you even begin or the condom bursts or one of those things that fuck sex happens. Bad sex can make you take an abstinence journey for 8 months. I did after Chalo and now I am 3 months abstinent. Halleluyah!

Art and Literature Make Me Happy

Like extremely happy. The happiness I get from writing gives me more happiness than any drug, sex, or whatever has been defined as such in our lives.

Every time I write a poem, I go to another world, my soul overtakes my body and canal desires. I become a whisperer of nature’s secrets. And there is nothing that has that power in my life. I cry when bleeding ink into paper. Its like making love to another part of me that is holistic. Its God. 

Can money buy you happiness?

A friend of mine said, “Wambui lets work so fucking hard, gets lots of money so that we can have the boobs to say “money can’t buy you happiness.”

Can money buy you happiness?

I am happy when I am able to pay my rent on time, when I can buy pizza and burgers at the sight of them, when I can afford shoes, good shoes. I like shoes. I don’t have shoes. I want shoes. I will get shoes. Soon.

And doesn’t that constitute happiness? When I don’t have to dodge my caretaker all the time or keep on checking my Mshwari loan limit that is never going to change from 0.

It makes me happy to spend on my family members and friends when I have it. It feels good to be able to give back to the friends who’ve been there for me.

But is it possible that Bill Gates, Jeff Bezos and Oprah are not that happy? No. This is not a smear campaign against rich people. It’s not the fact that they are rich that makes them unhappy but because of lacking something else that gives people happiness.

The longest running research in the world

There is Harvard Study that has been running for around 80 years now. The study aimed to find out what brings happiness and long life.

When the study began, it was the epitome of exclusion and inequality. Only white male students from Harvard were studied because the researchers believed only they could give an accurate representation of human beings.

Decades later they have included women, people of color, LGBT+ to have a more inclusive and diverse outlook that leads to greater comprehension as should be.

The research includes both wealthy and poor people.

Findings from the study: 1. Only our Social relationships can keep us Happy

“The surprising finding is that our relationships and how happy we are in our relationships has a powerful influence on our health,” This was said by the director of the study Robert Waldinger.

After years and years of studying what causes happiness, the researchers’ revelation is that “close relationships are the secret to happiness and long-life.” So, stop taking that stupid heart medicine and start kissing more.

Another revelation from the study is that money does give you happiness. This was evidenced by the many wealthy participants that were included in the study.

Only close relationships can rid you off discontentment and physical and mental deterioration.

People who were thought to have happy lives had extremely close relationships with their friends and family.

Even ailing people feel less pain because of their healthy relationships.

Also, people who were happy drank less alcohol and smoked less cigarettes. Oh my God. I am not happy at all.

2. Loneliness can kill you. It has the same magnitude as drinking and smoking.

Loneliness can be a terrible thing. It makes you feel cold literally and figurately. Not having someone to talk to can fuck up your brain.

Loneliness is the darkness that drowns your light and sinks you into depressions that make life seem intolerable.

So, talk to people. Talk to your shopkeeper, the person seated next to you in the bus and anybody you can. For yourself and for them.

I know it can be hard to just approach a person and speak without knowing them but if you stick to that mentality, you will only be friends with your relatives, no? Just get the boobs to strike up a random conversation, even if it’s about the weather.

So many people are dying of loneliness. There are people who feel so lonely, having no one to talk to or touch. Touch is important, its all we want. I once heard of a person who committed suicide in their house, it was only noticed four days after, when the body started to stink.

And is that the society we want? I know I don’t want it. No fucking way.

In the era of COVID-19,

The global pandemic Covid 19 has given us a brazen opportunity to repair our broken relationships. You have to stay at home whether you like it or not. You have to live with the people you are close to.

I believe this is a reset of society and honestly, I hope quarantine lingers a while here so fathers can learn their children names and sons can stop wishing their father’s dead.

I feel like the world was moving so fast and Covid-19 said, “Hey, why don’t you take a break, son?”

Right now, families have no options but to live with each other. It might start with conflict and avoidance but if Covid stays a while longer, people will have to communicate with each other. Eventually.

We have the chance to speak to each other.

I know many people look like a hard nut to crack but all of them are just looking for someone to talk to them, without judging them and just accepting them. Isn’t love just acceptance?

How about we become more honest about our feelings and our wants and communicate that to the people around us?

I believe we can get more connected, more honest and loving in this time.

Why don’t you take a chance at happiness? I know I will.

By Wambui Ochieng'

Radical Feminist

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