The sex lives of African women
Reading Time: 3 minutes

The Sex Lives of African Women is a book written by an African woman. Nana Darkoa Sekyiamah conducted interviews and wrote The Sex Lives of African Women within six years.

We achieve freedom when we let go of the weight of societal expectations, and when we find our people – those who love us, care for us, and hold us up when we start slipping

– Nana Darkoa Sekyiamah

Nana interviewed 32 women of African descent living in different parts of the world, including herself. They talked about their experiences with sex, their sexuality, and relationships.

She breaks the book into three sections: self-discovery, freedom, and healing. She did this to represent the different stages that the women she interviewed were on in their lives.

The book was a pleasant and easy read. She used language that flowed. Being an African woman, I could relate to a lot of the stories the women had. There were a number of women whose mothers were open to speaking on the topic of sex with their children. The majority of the women did not appear to have somebody to talk to about what was expected of them before, during, and after sex. The majority seemed to learn about their sexual needs along the way. What they experienced, however enjoyable or unpleasant, they thought was the norm.

The sex lives of African women
The sex lives of African women

One of the stories that stick out to me is that of Helen Banda, who identifies as cis-gendered and polyamorous. She is married yet she and her husband are open to different BDSM kinks. They will even go to BDSM meetups together. They have their preferences and when either one of them is not feeling a kink, they are vocal about it. Helen also has partners with who she experiments with different kinks that her husband is not into and vice versa.

What I love most about this story is the understanding that you cannot always get everything you need from your partner. If you have a firm foundation and value communication, you can have a satisfying (sexual) life if you so want.

Sex is still a taboo topic in African culture. However, once you read this book, you will realize that you are not alone. There might be 32 stories in this book. However, there are tens of thousands of African women who can relate to these women.

I would recommend this book to every woman, young or old. I can guarantee that everyone will find a story that they can relate to (yes! even if you are in your 60s, there is a story for you – see the story of Fatou). This is a book that deserves to be on every woman of African descent’s bookshelf. You will want to come back to it over and over again.

I would give it a 4.9/5 because it is a book that leaves me feeling empowered. I am also excited to be living in an era where African women are becoming more liberated. African women are boldly speaking about their sexual experiences.

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