Hi you, my love it’s time for me to say goodbye, I tried to do it like you wanted, even though it meant cutting slices of my heart to patch the holes in my soul. Holes that I myself made as I was trying to carve a place in it for you. I can’t do it anymore.
Don’t worry this is no suicide note, although in some ways death is a proper description of what is going on inside me right now, I’m an Aries, child of the universe I’m not supposed to give up, neither am I supposed cry or weep or show cowardice or feel like I can’t get us out of this situation I brought us in.
But I do, I feel spent, I’ve been running on an empty tank for a while now, my tires are worn out my back is raw from the wounds from flogging myself for not being what you wanted. It’s funny coz I’ve always thought I knew what was best for us. US meaning the relationship or me in relation to you, I was so focused on it that I never once thought about what was right for me.
It’s my fault I admit it, coz I’m the one who found you, fell for you and offered my soul to you, and later on
gave you the tools (fashioned by me)you’d need to crush it into powder.
Frankly speaking I think I deserved this, my actions, thoughts and words, both voiced and unvoiced brought me here. its like what happens when you give a child a toy to play with so that it can stop crying, I let you toy with my soul so that you could feel better about yourself and sat there in pain watching you stir it up with a pitch fork like a child plays with unwanted broccoli on their plate.
I let you drag me in so much murk that I feel my soul has been tainted, the image I had of myself is now shattered the man I was is feeling lost and broken, the child in me still cold lonely and unloved.
My intuition screams that I should run away, my brain is almost leaving me for someone or something more sensible, I feel like I’m losing my balance and if I don’t get out of this space I’ll die inside.
I have waited long enough for you to love me it’s time I came through for myself, I want to nurture myself back to health, wash my wounds so that I don’t die from infection. If it’s any consolation to you I think this was meant to be a lesson for me, a karmic lesson in letting go and ending toxic cycles so don’t be hard on yourself coz if it wasn’t with you I’d have to learn them with a another woman.
As I limp into the darkening horizon I weep coz I knew you were the one but you were meant to walk away.