Homo Toxic Masculinae

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Guest blogged By Fundi wa Vitanda na Mabibi!

Who said that evolution is over? We have simply evolved into toxic mascilunae

Briiiing, briiiing.! “Toxic Masculinity resources center how may I help you?” “When the driver of a matatu swerves the nganya too hard pale integrity center valley road, does toxic masculinity allow me kujishikilia ama kunaendaje?” “Ah ah, kujishikilia kitu gani? Unafaa kujiachilia kama ni Friday uanguke nje ya dirisha uvunjike shingo tukukimbize Kenyatta tukuchangie kwa mpesa operation ukufe tugongane binguni.”

Toxic masculinity was the mti ya jembe that Feminists wanted to beat down God’s children with. And they did succeed for a minute there but alas! Hiyo mti ya jembe ikageuka toothpick! Akina Shailja Patel na Wambui Mwangi waliambiwa walipe Smitta Sh9 million in general damages, Sh1 million in exemplary damages and to send him a written apology in 14 days. ALafu toxic masculinity ya huyo Patel ikakataa kuandika apology letter ikahama Kenya! Kama mwanaume! The 9 million was fine (as in she was okay with it). But the apology letter? Nani? Ooh! Wapi. Heri Nihame Kenya.

Nowadays men are using toxic masculinity as coaster when drinking beer, tea or uji na supu ya matumbo. We have reclaimed our identity. We have turned an oppressive word into a source of identity. We have read Pedagogy of the Opressed! (Wtf is that even?) You know how black americans turned the word negro into theirs…YEEES! Hivyo sasa!

My toxic masculinity cannot allow me to hug a bodaboda guy. Ama kujishikilia kwa boda! Wacha agonge pothole niruke nivunjike rasa na spinal cordae  tatu. Kama mwanaume! (Spinal cord is overated anyway, evolution is coming.) Kama mwanaume!

Who said that evolution is over? We have simply evolved into toxic mascilunae. Even women have toxic masculinity! There…I sed it! Shailja Patel moved to another country to avoid apologizing. That is toxic masculinity level 1000! Also women fighting for their rights and shattering glass and concrete ceilings and beting boys in sciences! That’s toxic masculinity right there. And it’s a good thing. Infact great thing. You need toxic masculinity as a woman to go against culture and decades of toxic masculinity. Whats that about fighting fire with bigger fire? Na watu wanakulanga pili pili pia wako na Toxic masculinity.


Why is it that when they are drawing evolution they never use women. Its always a man, akina cro magnon sijui hetero sapien sapien. Why do they not use a woman instead? We demand equality..right?

Until next time…ni mimi wako, Fundi wa Vitanda na Mabibi!

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