Sometimes when I think have finally been able to get you, you still appear to be a mystery. A fan-made fiction. Your thought pattern and mannerisms which the world would call weird is still what endears me to you closer today. I can’t ever forget the time I really looked deep into your eyes; a piercing gaze into your soul and you said you found rest. Rest in my eyes whereby to me I felt a glimpse of haven in there. You were my safety, my rock, my one in all. You kept pushing for me when I wouldn’t even move. You knew someone would accept my ideas one day. Supporting my weight with yours: you still had your fair share of lows but you made seeing my highs more important than yours.
If only I could do that now on your Remembrance Day. Five years ago, I held your hand before you went to the great beyond. Health care was the first thing to me when you started convulsing. Your grip made me know that this was not the first. You told me it was a terminal illness and they could only offer you palliative care. I wept so much that day my eyes were too moist to see far. Limping back together to get you home, I wonder how I could have missed all of the signs. Everything started pouring out to me: the quick fits, the heights of our non-verbal communication, the most intimate way we communicate or the period of silence. I thought they were disoriented events but you had known all along and still in your pain didn’t want to burden me.
How unfortunate! I’m just realizing how strong you were not just for you but for us both. You smiled that day nursing you into your final moments of rest. We played poker and made funny silly jokes. We even prepared a mountain (if you can call it that) of food with the last of foodstuff that we had. At your dying minute, you stopped laughing and then I really understood why didn’t you want to call any healthcare. You knew it was time. You whispered your last sweet words even in your pain.
“I love you so much Stephen and I want you to love yourself more than I do. You are such a special boy who has gone through a lot. Don’t mind all my niggling, you were worth it all. I want you to know you have beautiful wings, God has blessed me with a hint of their color and all you need do is fly and don’t remain there, soar above the skies. Find someone also who you could love more than me. Someone that understands you like you don’t. You are destiny’s grandest child, be happy”.
You brought your lips to my forehead and we started humming together till in my tears I discovered I was the only one humming our wordless song. The fit that I threw afterwards I recollect; I am so ashamed of it. I’m still not so sure if it was right that I didn’t call for help, you obviously just wanted a final day with me but I wasn’t ready to let you go. We could have borrowed from the cooperative or still reached out to one of your former friends. Oh, I miss you so, so much. When I woke up and saw your stuffed body down the passage the first thing that flashed back to me were your final words and I knew exactly what to do next.
I buried your body just at the back of the house where I am standing now and went on to become a better person. And now guess what? It has made me who I am today. Every year that I come here, I am better than I was last year. Today the fifth year I have so many things to share with you. My team and I finally took the company public. I have been active in philanthropy and many medical centers are in your name. If only your sickness could have waited five more years. Alas, your words were a far stronger weapon and it could have only forged me to become better. Your sacrifices were truly worth it. Is it the sleepless night spent working or the days you went hungry for me? I can’t truly appreciate your love. Next year, I hope to bring someone special whom I can shower as much love as you showered me as you showered me and we will hum together our wordless tunes in memory of you. I love you so much grandma.