And so the snake crawled to the woman and convinced her to have sex, sorry, I mean to eat the fruit which she took to the husband and he ate it as well… nyeyenyeyenye.. 2020!
Here we are and men still don’t know how to have sex!
We are in 2020 and the son of Eve won’t eat the fruit, aiiiiii…. Aje sasa? And then he still wanna poke in. Aiish Chalo kwani ilikuwa first time yako?
Sorry, I already warned you, don’t fuck a writer coz we will definitely write about it. And here we are.
Me on this old lady of mine typing in while some keys refuse to cement the hit that is this article and now, I feel like Cleopatra.
We are going to need more cigarettes and tea, yes tea. Coz its gonna get really cold in here! Vengeance is a dish served cold and this doesn’t get any icier.
Damn, I can feel the tears running down Chalo’s face and as they do, I collect them in my premium bottle ‘Male Tears’, this is pouring down my throat tonight. Am gonna sleep like a baby. Sips from bottle, male tears.
I feel icier than Isis herself. Forgive me mother I have sinned.
Chalo is an example of a waste of good sin, well for me, not him. He had the fucking best time of his life. I can see his ki-face wincing as he came and now, I just want to go take a shower.
Enyewe never have sex with a guy who won’t start by getting down on you. All those are goats that don’t deserve a seat in the coochie table.
Woman, you need someone who eats your pussy like it’s do or die.
A person who will bow in adoration, knees pressed to the ground and seek consent.
Aint nothing sexier than a partner who seeks consent.
One who doesn’t take it like it was his and you were just some vessel that carried it for him.
And there is nothing sexier than a guy who will continue eating as you squirt over and over again and hold you after as you hide burning tears of satisfaction in his tight embrace.
There’s nothing sexier than turning a mattress over coz your juices floweth over.
That glorious after-sex feeling and his grin of “I made you cum! Am awesome! And you squirted! You actually squirted” as you lay the sheets on the bed.
Every woman deserves that every time before they make you cum. Oh that’s specifically for heterosexual sex.
And that’s why Chalo, I will have to be icier than Winterfell to drive this point home.
This is for all the women who have never had an orgasm in their life because the men they fucked just lay there… ndeee…. Just waiting for her to do something.
Has your skin ever been rubbed by sandpaper?
Well, that’s how it feels when he paraphrases his hands around your body
He can make you stop having sex with men or short men or whatever his type is. I mean, he has traumatized me for life.
Yaani, how can someone be that bad at sex?
Men, what do you guys talk about when you are bromancing and protecting rapists in stupid men conferences?
Si ata you teach your fellow humans how to eat pussy?
Be productive people!
So, this kaguy had a kadick that you know, yes, we can make it work but could it have been bigger?
You guys, do you think its nice to ask someone to get a man-hood enlargement?
Si I see those “Daktari Toka Kitui, Aznia…” have options. Would you go for it?
Lets see, If I had a small dick (but then I wouldn’t think its small- unless I have watched porn- which everybody should have watched at sometime in their life- but then that’s generalizing people- fuck it.-)
You should have known the size of your dick in comparison to other men so you can gauge where you at and adapt which styles and positions and compensations might work for you so that you can satisfy and get satisfied in bed and not end up on some writer’s blog.
So I guess by now you should have gathered that Chalo did not fit into that “Kamba men are da bomb! In bed!” bullshit you’ve been feeding people. Fool me once…..
No, he did not move fast like the dance styles and yes, he was fast to cum. No metaphors used, yes, just like. He came in about (well, longer than… never mind….) in about sixteen seconds.
Guess we were in a race, that I wasn’t aware off and he won.
So Chalo was terrible at sex.
His kissing lips are terrible first of all.
He is those one who kiss one lip and then the other- alternatively- the entire time- ata hakuna penye kiss inafanya ukue engrossed.
Haidhuru… Those were red flags that I consciously ignored.
I couldn’t give him a BJ first because I have decided that as a queen I will always get a CJ first and if I don’t get CJ no BJ- But now I have realized its better to just- NO CJ NO SEX.
The horniness that made me get out of the comfort of my house to the bus stage in Nairobi to that dump in (no fucking way am reducing my gangster points by revealing that) wherever
Ended up fucking me up
Sex has the potential to fuck up your life worse than before
Nakuambia he touches you like an insect jumping jumping on your skin. Yuck!
I was shocked a person can be this terrible at sex.
He doesn’t know that a neck can be kissed, that a clit can be touched (gently) to climax
The worst thing is he cannot be taught cause his fingers are just rough.
And his mouth, you wouldn’t imagine him licking your vagina after the shitty mouth show
But I see where I should have left
I just wanted to ride a dick and feel it rub my walls as I bounce up and down and grind and yes… I realize you are not here for what you can watch on Pornhub, Xvideos- I swear I do not know others.
All I got was a chance to put hako kastuff ndani yangu, try adjusting to the ka-size, rotate my hips atleast six times trying to see if maybe if I lifted his legs to his head and sat on them I could feel his dick
I saw that ki-face men usually make when they are about to disappoint you. I wished I had boooed him or slapped him, put ice on his balls but I didn’t have the chance.
And then that’s when he tells me he hasn’t had sex in two years. Shut up Chalo, why do I fuck these people who haven’t had sex in a long time. Me I want Casanovas who know Condoms, Lube, CJs, BJS, Cumming together,
He came smiling… Yuck!!! Fuck!!
And then has the guts to touch me afterwards like he could change something about it
Yuck! Fuck! Chalo you have scarred me!
Aki it was terrible
You know when you haven’t had sex and its been long and you really just wanna clean house and then you just want to clean more fuck!
Fuck these dudes who cant tell a clit from a vagina, who have never felt their tongues make the clitoris throb and felt a woman’s hips turn into a generator as they eat southern cuisine
Am sorry that you guys exist and you are not doing anything about it!