I Am Not Sure What To Call This

6:39: I Am Not Sure What To Call This…

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I am not sure what to call this,
Denial- aching/aching-denial/ denied-aching/ denial-aching aching -denied heart,
Older men and car washes in bars are trauma inducing, traumatic, posttraumatic disorder places…or
a fetish,
Dreamy bird calls at 6 am portend fear, or is it a reservation? about making love to my father in a
wooden house with a used pad strewn in the back, a fruiting mango tree and canopy from a grand
eucalyptus at the front, because my mother will be there, and my grandmother too, waiting for this
holy trinity to de-colonize our home from the white spirits,
That’s why I’m not sure what to call this,
Depression-lonely/ lonely-depression/existential-loneliness depression/ aggressively cheerful
existential loneliness depression,
Cawing crows at 7 am portend hope of death, or rest, or failure of suicide from the 6 th floor of
apartment buildings
…the jacaranda trees flowered late last year, that must be a sign that I must go and poison the
waterfall, burn the bridge and cut down trees at the bus stop during a blue moon.
I’m not sure what to call this,
Horny voyeuristic/hedonistic- voyeuristic/ hedonistic voyeuristic minimalist pretentious bullshit/
…or giving up, or not giving a fuck because it’s not my problem, it’s not my fucking responsibility, the
world just is…the world, an ambivalent motherfucker, so why are we socialists? Radicalising the
masses towards a revolution, sometimes insurrection, sometimes bourgeois elections in an
ambivalent world.
I’m not sure what to call this,
Satan-thoughts/morning star – illuminated thoughts/Hades inspired son of the morning wretched of
the earth illuminated thoughts/
…or disillusionment,
I need a rope and a ceiling…
8 am birdsong portends descent.

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