Reading Time: 4 minutes

Slow Internet

Here you are, trying to get into Pornhub coz, its cold and you are a lonely-ass fucker but you can’t even get a glimpse of Britney and Cielo (If you know who these are….). And now you are feeling like the entire world hates you and can’t even raise it up. dear lord… you just have to hold on to your last bit of strength not to flip.

Morning Alarms

This is a no brainer. I swear the number of times I snooze that alarm. It feels like you are being robbed of your sleep and that’s just unfair, no? And why do they happen to be louder than even your ringtone? In the morning I tiptoed to the bathroom afraid of stirring the alarm. Just when I had succeeded peeing without tipping it off and I was making my way to the bed (with eyes closed), the little piece of shit went off. Now am looking at my boss thinking of possible people who have died so that…

 People Who Walk Slowly In Front Of You

Move grandma! Move! I don’t care if you are my grandmother’s age, I will literally move you if walk slowly in front of me. And it’s as if they know you are behind them because once you try to walk past them, they block your way

Crying Babies

You just got to hate this! You got invited to a pal’s house and the baby won’t shut up! It just goes on and on and on… and especially if they are at the crawling stage or just started walking. They are just headaches that you just can’t kick out of your way. Am never visiting you, Elsie.

 Long Queues

Umechukua Huduma number?

And it seems that when you move to the one that looked short, somehow the one you moved from gets shorter and the one you ran to just becomes longer (something about this and relationships). You’d think supermarket lines are annoying but have you ever tried that loo at Archives? The other day, another woman decided to ‘help herself’ on the queue. Believe me, if she hadn’t gone first, I would have.


Sneeze Hang

And they come at the worst of times. You are asking a question in class and suddenly a sneeze comes, so you shut up and get ready for it, but it doesn’t happen, you continue with your questions and just like the devil, it happens!

Screechy Voices

If you have watched Baby daddy, I am sure you know what I am talking about. If you haven’t, then perhaps you have that neighbor, that workmate or teacher who you keep on dreaming off mummified. But I also recently watched this movie called ‘Wanted’ with this loser -turned-assassin whose boss used to clip her stapler as an intimidating tactic. Poor guy had to take anxiety meds every time. I felt that.

Hospital Smells

That’s why many of us prefer over-the-counter drugs than going to hospitals. The thing about these smells is that they make you sicker the moment you step into that hospital. Exactly what do they put in there? Have you been to Mbagathi lately?

People Who Sing Loudly While Wearing Their Earphones

  Got to admit this; it happens even to the best of us but when some innocent form four leaver is in the car next to you and she starts singing Rihanna’s ‘Kwa, kwa, Kwa’ you just have to throw those killer glances hoping she will stop. Funny thing is, when you look at her, she removes the earphones smilingly saying ‘’was I loud?’’

Car Farters

You are in the car reminiscing on your day then some idiot decides to unleash one for the road. Of course, everyone looks behind and the culprit is never found, but dear Lord, how you just do that? And of all times the window could get stuck!

Here are some additions my siblings suggested I should include and I totally agree.


I detest how makangas suffocate you when they are calling you to their car. This is perhaps why most of my mornings are ruined. I mean, you are just going to Tao and a swarm of touts pours out and attacks you confusing you, grabbing your arms, your bag. And hey, there are some who are trying to grab your ass, your boobs, steal your phone. It’s a menace I tell you. Cant someone just tell you the fare and allow you to make the decision?

Cashiers at Arizona/ Sanford Fast foods

What the fuck is usually wrong with these cashiers? Is there anyone who has ever met a kind cashier maybe at Nevada or one of them chain foods? If you have, please comment. “Songa haraka!” They almost behave like Mpesa chicks and its really irritating.


By Wambui Ochieng'

Radical Feminist

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Social media & sharing icons powered by UltimatelySocial